I love you. I always have. But loving you has often felt like a full-time job.
I have spent years trying to fit into the shape this family made for me. The quiet one. The dependable one. The one who holds things together. I learned early that peace in this house depended on how well I behaved. So I became easy. I became helpful. I became the one who never complained.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped being seen. Everything I did was expected, not appreciated. When I succeeded, it was normal. When I struggled, it was inconvenient. I do not think you noticed how much I shrank just to keep everyone comfortable.
I have carried secrets, tension, and unspoken sadness just to keep the air calm. But calm is not the same as love. Silence is not the same as safety. I am tired of walking on eggshells to earn affection that should have been given freely.
I know you have your own wounds. I know everyone here was just trying to survive in their own way. But I cannot keep paying for peace with my self-worth. I want to be part of this family without performing for it. I want to be loved for who I am, not for how well I manage to hold everything together.
Maybe one day we will learn to love each other without conditions. Maybe one day this will feel like home again. For now, I just need to stop proving that I belong here.
With love,
The one who has been trying too hard.